


Talk To Me (I Like Me Better)

by Symphoenae



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: A lot of thoughts mashed together, Claudia (mentioned) - Freeform, F/M, Lots of heavy feelings, Soren (Mentioned) - Freeform, This honestly sucks you probably shouldnt read it lmao, Wing Reflection AU, angst sorta, kind of a vent piece, probably not even that good, projecting 101
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26400394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symphoenae/pseuds/Symphoenae
Summary: There was nothing special about this modern world he lived in. The wings he had were only a ridiculous mental thing he’d picked up recently. He always found himself imagining for moments that he had wings on his back, even almost feeling them move and flap, even though they weren't really there. His wings were a reflection of what he really was- some ridiculous list of negative things.
Relationships: Callum/Rayla (The Dragon Prince)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	Talk To Me (I Like Me Better)

**Author's Note:**

> God this is so garbage. No one's gonna be able to even decipher anything I was fucking trying to convey. But I'm not in the mindset to rewrite this. God knows I have trouble trying to explain how I live on a good day. Ugh.
> 
> But yeah, context, this wing thing is something I actually experience. As if I wasn't already ridiculous
> 
> SONG COUNTERPARTS: Talk To Me - Cavetown & I Like Me Better - Lauv

Callum didn't know why his heart had to hurt so much when he was clearly aware that it wasn't real. None of it was. Friends simply weren't a thing he had. Sure, he had people he talked to, usually daily, but those were more formalities caused by where he had to be. School was nothing more than a place where he learned to be alone later in his life. There were a few he talked to more than most, like Soren and his sister Claudia, but it still wasn't real. The tightness in his chest whenever he talked to the latter made him remember that. As much as he'd kill to know it was real, to pretend even for a second, it wouldn't be right. No one really cared like that for him, and it reflected in the jet-black appendages that donned his back.

There was nothing special about this modern world he lived in. The wings he had were only a ridiculous mental thing he’d picked up recently. He always found himself imagining for moments that he had wings on his back, even almost feeling them move and flap, even though they weren't really there. His wings were a reflection of what he really was- some ridiculous list of negative things. The pitch, leathery wings he had had been with him from the beginning- a reflection of what he knew he was. Call them a demon’s spread, if you would. That's what they were, and nothing changed them. Callum wasn't sure anymore if they were even possible to change.

Sometimes he would imagine the wings of other people. Mainly people he actually had a clue about. The sea of white, soft plumage that assaulted him when he did never made him feel any better. Everyone was just so much better than him. For the briefest moments, the stray thought of how they didn't care properly would dampen the pure color of those wings, but he quickly shook it away. It wasn't their fault, anyways. No one owed him care. He just wished that it would be given to him properly one day.

Callum sighed, shaking his head. As the school bell rang, he silently packed up his things and pushed past the grouping people around him.

His wings felt more real today than other days.

* * *

Callum liked only a few things. Mainly because his personal reflection wouldn't allow him small joys. Mirrors would drive shame straight into his heart whenever he made the mistake of glancing at one. He was getting better at ignoring all of his stupid thoughts, and he supposed that was some sort of progress. Despite how bleak and gray his world could seem to literally anyone else, he was starting not to mind this life. There was a strange calmness to it, being so resigned to things. Music kept him more company than another human ever could. Music couldn’t judge him for being who he was (though sometimes the lyrics being sung to him would hit closer to home than he’d want). As for his likes, he knew he couldn’t stop his heart from latching onto things. He could only make sure that he wouldn’t get attached to too many things.

Other than that, he kept his small collection of likes to himself. And if he had to talk about them, he’d throw up so many defensive walls that he couldn’t even recognize his own heart anymore.

But that was okay. Despite the constant reminder that clung to his back, he still somehow had a shred of self-respect to protect himself. Life was hard, and unfair. That was okay.   


* * *

It was so hard to admit defeat even if it had him by the throat. Callum was perfectly fine with the dullness that was reality, having bad days only felt like a slap to the face. What on earth did he have to get so down about when he’d already accepted the terms and conditions ages ago? It never made any sense to him.

No one was any wiser, anyways. The ones he called ‘friends’ weren’t too concerned with how he was doing internally. He never talked about it to begin with- why would he? He’d never felt a real, deep connection to another person enough to feel comfortable with dumping his ridiculous life on them.

No one was any wiser. Well, that was the truth, until he met  _ her. _

Another taunting pair of pure white plumage in his face. She wouldn’t even do him the courtesy of leaving him alone. Every chance she got, she would bug him with silly questions. It was almost like she was actively trying to distract him from the pair of wings on his back. He didn’t understand her motives.

The girl’s name was Rayla, a strange looking student who was a grade above him. She had white hair, which funnily enough matched the white feathers of her imaginary wings, and strange purple eyes. There was no way they weren’t colored contacts. Callum had to give her credit- he certainly wouldn’t be brave enough to make himself look that strange and still want to appear out in public.

She was strange, though. At times, Callum could almost swear he could see her fake wings flapping behind her at times, as if they were also real to her.

* * *

“Why don’t you ever converse with me, Callum?” Rayla asks out of the blue one day.

Callum sighs with a tired expression. “You owe me nothing, as I owe you the same.”

It’s a common response of his- truthfully, there was too much of his mind that screamed for freedom whenever she was around now. But he definitely didn’t trust her, despite how strangely caring she’d been when talking to him at any point. It was almost as if she wanted to be that caring.

Callum knew better.

“I owe you-” She cut herself off, frowning. “Is that how you think? It doesn’t have to be like that, you know.”

“But it is. That’s the end of it.” He replied shortly, trying to ignore the stinging in his eyes.

Rayla’s frown only deepened, and she surprised him greatly by moving close and grabbing his face in her hands. “I know what you’re trying to do, you know. Being so blunt, so harsh. Trying to push me away as if you have nothing to offer. I don’t care what you think you have to offer, Callum.”

Callum could only watch in shock as she completely threw everything he knew about relationships out the window. Could she really…?

“Maybe I don’t know a lot about you, but I know my own behaviors when I see them. Pushing people away, being so cut off, keeping yourself down more than you already are. I can’t tell you how to live your life, but I can at least try to make it a little better. Looking at you is like looking in the mirror. I’ll give you some space for now. Just… try to think about it?”

As Rayla turned and walked away from him, his shoulders sagged as her white plumage fell away to reveal a picture-perfect match of the pitch leather wings he had himself.

Very strange.

* * *

Two pairs of black wings didn’t seem right to him. As far as he was concerned, he was the only person who was supposed to have them. They suited him more than they did Rayla. Rayla didn’t look right with such omens of negativity. It didn’t make much sense to him, but nothing did lately. She was messing with his own image far too much.

It got easier to understand the mirroring the more he talked to her. They weren’t quite the same, the pair of them, but he could see what she’d meant that day. Despite their differences, she never tried to tell him his way of living normally wasn’t right. He’d grown to somehow appreciate the way the gray looked and felt. It was only on the bad days he had that she would try to get him to think differently. 

He could deal with this.

* * *

It sucked to think about how she’d be gone one day soon. It was only a matter of time, since past experience taught him this fact. No one would actually be willing to fight against the grain. Friendships were always temporary, and he got close to choosing to rip the bandaid off early some days. He just didn’t know if he could hurt Rayla like that, even though she’d probably do so to him soon.

He let these thoughts slip out of his mouth one day when they were hanging around afterschool. The look of horror on her face was enough to deepen the shade of black on his wings impossibly. As if they could get any darker.

“Why would you even say that?!” She screamed at him.

“Patterns.” He replied simply. “Just holding onto what I know. I’ve yet to find someone that I can trust myself with that doesn’t eventually end up packing up and leaving. I can only assume you’ll do the same in a few.”

It seemed like this was the wrong thing to say, because he noticed the beginnings of tears in her eyes.

“That’s…” She began, choking on her words for a moment, “That’s not how it’s going to be. Callum. I won’t tell you how to live your life but you could do me the same respect by not telling me how to live mine. I’m not gonna just dump you for no reason. I’m not just another statistic in your book of unfortunate events. I know you’ve been through a lot. I’m not going anywhere.”

Her strange words hurt Callum enough that he felt his eyes stinging again, and she gave him a soft look.

“Talk to me.”

And he did. He shoved aside everything he’d known for his whole life, and gave in. He didn’t even let himself get the chance to think about how he’d regret this later. Despite everything, he wanted to give her a chance, and she was finally getting one. She didn’t even judge him for his tears. And, in return, she talked even deeper about herself and all of the things that made them similar. Rayla also made sure to mention the things that made them different- a subconscious gester. She was giving his trust back, by providing him with such personal thoughts of her own.

It was lifting, overall.

Little did he know, his wings and hers were turning a neutral shade of gray together.

* * *

Rayla did eventually admit to him that she could see the wings. It was strange, considering their world was boring and mundane. It was hard to believe that a little bit of magic like that could exist, but Callum didn’t question it at that point. Perhaps they were just similar enough to share the same mental process. Either way, it did him good to know that Rayla could genuinely understand him on such a deep level that he’d pleaded silently for this whole time. This was really all he wanted.

Dealing with all of the other surface level friends he had was more than worth being able to intertwine his hand with hers every day after the school day. The bleak resignation that he lived was a little less dull with her around. And his wings had stayed as that middle-ground shade of gray ever since that day the two of them had shared.

Sure, they were still met with seas of pure white plumage, but that didn’t sting anymore. None of that mattered when they were together. Callum could finally feel free of the suffocation the world put him through. He didn’t feel ashamed to be who he was around her. That was all he wanted and more.

And, for once, he knew that he was just as important to someone else.

_ You don't have to be a prodigy to be unique _

_ You don't have to know what to say or what to think _

_ You don't have to be anybody you can never be _

_ That's alright, let it out, talk to me _

**Author's Note:**

> Ill probably delete this garbage in a few days. I'm absolutely mentally exhausted of having to talk to people. The only people I can talk to right now are the ones I'm genuinely able to trust that they aren't just faking the friendship. It gets tiring giving out trust when you've been taught to have so little by past experiences.
> 
> There's a lot of themes in here that are worth thinking about, if you can even gleam anything from this mess or random crap venting. This is OOC as fuck anyways.
> 
> Yeah. I'm fine other than that. Like I've said before, I live my life on the negative side and I'm completely fine with it. Others, not so much. That's why I'm always guilty to be who I am. I promise SOS is the next thing I'll do here on Ao3. I just need some more time to quiet my thoughts down. I might be gone for another week or so. I'm sorry if I don't reply to you or anything. There's only really like 4 people I can stand talking to right now anyways-
> 
> I hope you guys have someone like this. Someone you can be that close to. Just try to remember that you're valid, however you want to live your life. However you want to be. Maybe you'll be strange, but so am I. I see nothing wrong with your strangeness <3


End file.
